17.5.12

Going to uss tomorrow ^__^ EXCITED \M/ finally going to play and not chase idols haha!
Hope there won't be a crowd tomorrow though :x Since its not the school holidays yet everyone will still be in school and no one will be at uss right? :D LOLOL skipping school for uss :P But at least im not like jiamay or certain people right? u_u hmph thinking about those few people just makes me rage.... I've been so angry recently... The whole world just seems to be against me T_T

My grades are like shit... Ok TO ME my grades are as good as failures.... everything is like just pass just reach 60.... Only in Geog and English did i achieve the targets i had set for myself. To some people this is probably nothing but to me this matters a lot though i don't show it. Imagine living a life surrounded by high achievers. I hate thanks giving dinner and all those family gatherings and well my so called 'mum' doesn't try to make anything better. You talk shit about your own daughter what kind of mother are you?

Then i keep having thoughts about dropping fandoms... i mean just this malaysia trip is already stressing me out so damn much and i don't even need that much money for it... You have no idea how much i did to get enough for beautiful show... Money doesn't drop from the sky can?! I can't even get a proper job cause of minimum age requirements and i end up trying all ways any ways just to get money... Today i just ended up running around everywhere with rachel my legs almost died the moment i reached home.

Then i wonder... why am i doing all this? Yes i LOVE my idols a lot many even too much but is this all worth it? having to wake up in the middle of the night cause of an empty stomach cause of skipping meals to save money... Who doesn't know i eat A LOT? i remember i used to eat kfc.... then passing by mos i would buy more food then macs.... and then pepper lunch... That was just lunch! i still ate dinner like 4 hours later... But i can't even afford more than $6 of food each day now.... I cant buy all the clothes i want like i used to... I used to shop at fleas but now im trying to sell my shit like almost every week.... Is it all worth it? Everything has changed so much as well... ticket pricing? the guards? the fans? there's more tears then joy now... unlike last time when everything seemed so perfect... Everyone with their limits no flashing few grabbings less shouting less bitching less scolding less fanwars... Further more, except for jingying, almost everyone i first started stalking with have all left the fandom... Even kc! I really don't care whatever you have to say about her cause what matters to me is not the words you say without thought but its that she was nice to me so i don't see why i should bitch along. Some people just hate for the sake of hating. Bash for the sake of bashing. Don't you dare deny it! The words Forgiveness, Changing and Optimism aren't even in a fangal's dictionary anymore... But if i drop everything... it'll mean losing a lot of important people in my life as well.

But i'm just going to tell myself.... T.H.I.S   I.S   L.I.F.E   B.I.T.C.H.E.S

I should Just Smile instead :]

Rachel's birthday is coming soon! So is Stephanie's! Omo i've gotten Rachel all the presents i wanted to get her already... But i've got nothing for Steph :( No money to get anything either T~T LETMECRYINAHOLE
I shall just make a card as nice as i possibly could :) Heheh almost done with Rachel's bday book ^__^ Barely even did the video though but i shall just give up u__u Sobs i keep thinking every night before i sleep, about ANYTHING i've thought of so many things to do on rachel's bday but btob will probably ruin any plan planned cause their arrival will probably clash :[ But on the bright side, me lisha and jingying are going to bring rachel out this friday to..... *drum-roll* SENTOSA :D ok its nothing much but still!!!!!! I just hope nothing goes wrong :)

A smile is the most inexpensive accessory anyone could wear 
 Ill be meeting Geraldine this Saturday... Ok i think everyone is probably annoyed cause both of us keep on one moment ok one moment not okay like that :\ But truth is... We never did settle any of our problems due to some circumstances. I can't even tweet to her T_T its damn sad... the fact that you can't even tweet to your own friends cause an immature childish freak is just waiting to start another fight and find fault in you. Which is something i CAN stop and i AM :] in a way :\ If people want to find problems with you, give them your best :) Anyone would be able to find fault in anyone tbh.... So just try to be perfect :) What is there to fear when there's nothing to fear? Like for instance why fear the law when you know you didn't break the law? But no one is perfect after all and no matter what you do... Bitches will still be bitches back stabbers will still be back stabbers liars will still be liars thieves will still be thieves... Humans will still be humans
But its the thought that counts right? To change is hard to accomplish alone but easy when there's someone there helping you, caring for you. You have no idea how much strength care from your loved ones can give you. To know that someone cares is like knowing that God is with you anywhere anytime

 So....... SMILE :D


 

 

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