Why is it so hard to be happy?


So i realized.... recently i've always been so angry :( Like really.... and i don't know why but just seeing a few people on my timeline just now just broke this like barrier? that held all my grudges and anger back but well... im only human.

I get pissed pretty easily... But i also forgive and sometimes forget pretty easily too... I mean... Friends are friends right? i try to accept every flaw and just well... accept everything about my friends as much as i can but sometimes... i just get so pissed i want to throw a rock at someone like literally!

I guess.... i always bottle up all my feelings... like i tell myself... Just Smile :) Just Smile :)
'Is everything okay?' 'YES! *smile*' But sometimes... inside of that smile ill like 'FADIUGFYUASDYUSA' Omg i sound so two faced T_T But there are different types of two faces huh LOLOL TWO FACES WTH

Like people who act like everything is fine and smile smile happy happy talk talk laugh laugh with you but will bitch bitch bitch behind your back... People who can compliment you to your face with faked smiles but insult you behind your back.

 The liars. You'll never know whats behind that smiley that fake smiley...

But i just keep everything in... i mean would you prefer me to always shout in your face DWFUYGFYSDAYFASUDYIG every time? Cause really.... then people will probably be super afraid of me cause ill be screaming at people in the van on the mrt during dinner LOLOL

But still... i cry easily... like REALLY EASILY and i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE IT

Often... no one ever knows why... Also cause i seldom even ever let anyone know why... i used to... But i stopped... You may think you know me... But you're wrong i don't even post my real feelings truly on my PA.... i can only talk to myself and be honest cause well... i don't trust anyone at all... i just can't bring myself to ever again... the only person i can trust is myself... So that's all i can do. i can't talk to anyone or cry in a friend's arms i can only cry to myself...

Each time.... i get proved wrong.... whenever people ask me what happened? or anything... i just don't even know how to answer... Cause trusting again just... till now every night i'm thinking... what if she told them? what has she told them? who's the one lying? and when i trust someone and really put that person first i end up being made use of... now making me suspicious or everyone? 

When was i genuinely happy? I don't even know what having a real friend feels like anymore...
I always think Kayleigh Jen or Carrot are angry with me... or that Lisha or Shuqi can't even care less... or Geraldine really doesn't care....

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